Helpless But Not Hopeless

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I had a breakdown in Chili’s Saturday night. They have an extensive online allergen menu and I was trying to figure out what the whole family could eat without risking Shane’s life, when I became overwhelmed and started to cry. Food allergies are the worst, and egg is in so many things it’s overwhelming trying to figure things out. We eventually all ate dinner without incident, but I kept the epi pens close just in case.

Shane had his first reaction to eggs about a month ago. He had eaten eggs and egg-containing products hundreds of times, but that time was different. He immediately broke out in hives all over his face and his breathing was impaired. I rushed to the school and took him to the emergency room where they gave him an epi injection and also diagnosed him with RSV. Because of the RSV diagnosis, they couldn’t be 100% sure the egg reaction was anaphylactic. A few days ago we followed up with an allergist and had Shane tested. The doctor ordered us 4 more epi pens and said to stay completely egg free for the whole household because Shane is severely allergic. The doctor actually increased my anxiety the way he was talking about the allergy. 

The doctor ordered a blood test to see if Shane could possibly be able to eat products with egg baked into them. He said if the bloodwork shows we can do this, it will increase the likelihood of Shane outgrowing the allergy by age 8. So right now we’re waiting and praying. In the meantime, I feel helpless. 

I feel helpless because this is new and I haven’t found my groove yet. My one job as a mother is to protect my child and keep him safe, and I’m still in the learning process with his egg allergy. I have replaced his Little Bites muffins with homemade egg free muffins and we’ve gotten rid of most egg-containing products in our home. We’re waiting for the blood test results before we throw everything out. 

While we wait, I have to put my faith in other people to protect my son. I’m learning to let go and let God in this case, otherwise I’ll become neurotic with worry. So for now, I feel helpless, but not hopeless. 

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